Of travel plans

Since today was spent driving 400 kms (2 hrs up and 2 hrs return) and revising policy (scintillating) in between it meant that I missed being able to attend scrapbooking, walking the dog and ate supper at 7:15 p.m. This will not be how I spend my retirement I assure myself.

In order to have some hope I attempt to make winter vacation plans with the life partner. This is not an easy feat. You would think that a man who makes decisions all day could be more decisive about something as straight forward as vacation dates. Apparently not. So, we need to travel the first two weeks of February due to work coverage issues and flight availability. The travel agent has already indicated that the flights from Halifax to Holguin begin Feb 9th with Air Canada Vacations and will cost $871.50 total per person. This does not suit work coverage issues as it will leave the plant about a week without ground staff. It appears mister's 'plan' is to a) hope for something earlier in Feb- how? magic, corporate jet? b) travel through Toronto - not an option, only two days earlier and $200 more + you have to get to and from Toronto. I am at this point exasperated and not wanting to travel with anyone who cannot make their mind up. I have emailed another agent (why I'm not sure unless it is to placate the indecisive) for confirmation of what I already know. Sigh. And to think once the decisions are made, he is a good travel partner.

In honour of the anticipated flight I offer the following funnies from WestJet:

West Jet is based in Calgary, Alberta. It's flight attendants are famous for trying to make the in-flight safety lecture and pre-flight announcements more entertaining. Here are recent examples:

On West Jet flights there's no assigned seating. You sit where you want. Passengers were having a hard time choosing seats when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here. Find a seat and get in it!"

On another flight featuring a senior crew of attendants, the pilot announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude. We'll be turning down the lights both for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of the cabin crew."

On landing, an attendant said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings with you. If you're going to leave anything, make sure it's something we'd like to have."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

From a West Jet employee: "Welcome aboard West Jet Flight 245 to Calgary. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull it tight. You'll find that it works just like every other seat belt. However, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you're traveling with a small child, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you're traveling with more than one child, pick your favorite."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

Overheard on a West Jet Airlines flight into Regina on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Halifax, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

A plane was taking off from the Winnipeg airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made this announcement. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from Winnipeg to Montreal. The weather ahead is good and we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!!"
Silence followed. Moments later, the captain returned to the radio and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant spilled hot coffee on my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger yelled, "That's nothing! You should see the back of mine."